Review: TWINS COME OUT TO DAD

https://youtu.be/L3K0CJ8usPU
Twins Come Out To Dad by Rhodes Bros

This was so hard to watch. I relate to this so much. It was so difficult for me to come out to my father and he was the last one. No one can tell you who you are based on your past. You do these things because you want a better tomorrow. I’m happy I came out and I’m glad for the life I live. Life only gets harder but you’ve gotta get stronger-Jhené Aiko

Inventory: Sex

Sex Inventory
Review your own conduct over the past several years:Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsider­ate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead
Brandon Butcher: had made amends to Brandon and boyfriend 
Adam Puga: N/A

Jose: I had been selfish in sending you nude pictures of myself. I was dishonest by showing that I had feelings for you. I was inconsiderate of your boyfriend, Eddie. I had hurt your boyfriend. I unjustifiably aroused jealousy in Eddie also possibility of suspicion and bitterness towards myself. I was at fault by sending the pictures of myself knowing that they were inappropriate. I was also at fault by later posting our argument publicly online. 
Bri: I was selfish in using Bri as more than a friend. I was dishonest by displaying that I had feelings for her. I was inconsiderate by leading her on. I may have aroused jealousy. I have aroused bitterness by leaving her in the middle of sex and not giving her a reason for wanting to leave. I was at fault by using my sexuality to use her for other things. Friendship escape from loneliness help with school. I should have taken more responsibility for myself. I shouldn’t have led her to think I desired her. I should have been her friend. 
Blake: I was selfish by acting out my sexual exploration on him. I was dishonest by not acknowledging it the days after. I was inconsiderate by taking advantage of the fact that he was asleep and had a boner. I may have hurt him. I may have hurt my uncle and my aunt. I do not know if I aroused jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness. I was at fault by acting on in appropriate incestual acts. What I should’ve done instead was talked to someone. 

Amends:Sister

Desiree Amends:
Talk about bullying. Talk about resentment. Talk about how cruel I was. How mean I was. How I made her cry a lot. Physically hurt her. Bullied to make sure I was better than her. That she wouldn’t surpass me. 
Take inventory 
Talk about myself as a current example. Talk about past academically. Talk about past resentment. Talk about bringing her down. Bullying her. 

Amends: Mom

Amends
Mom

Sorry for disappointing you. 

Sorry for lying to you in the past about where I got all of my clothes. Where I stayed to night. What I stole. Sorry for causing you stress. Sorry for asking more than I need. Sorry for hating you when you were sick. Sorry I don’t love you as much as I should. 

Feel bad that I lied about where I was going or what I was doing. Shoplifted. 

Isolation:Aftermath

In that moment I realized that I was doing something that would completely compromise myself. When I am giving in to watching porn I am allowing others to have power over me power that I didn’t realize I was giving away. The question of homosexuality came to mind and overcoming such a fear of sharing myself with another person. The potential to have a sexually intimate relationship with someone is taken away when I choose to direct my desires towards watching porn. When I say watching porn, I am explaining that I feel a change coming over my body. I suddenly become complacent, comfortable and yes I’m excited, but how does this distraction fit into my current situation? 
Do I believe that I deserve a short-term reward? Yes maybe but at what cost do I receive it. That is what I was trying to figure out until today.(talk about lent) 
during Lent I decided to give up vanity and lust two problems that I was having round others. I noticed that I had separated myself from people through these things and lust took many different forms. I would often look at someone in an inappropriate way for too long. It was also watching pornography.when I would look at someone lustfully I would fantasize about that person, but my lack of sexual experience as you could imagine caused me to fantasize about them in ways that mirrored the porn I watched. My sex life was very much a vicious cycle of watching porn and lusting about people in the real world. 
 So given that these two problems kind of work hand-in-hand I decided to give them up for Lent. I had realized that I was just too into my own self image and was looking at people too often in a sexual way. I was wasting my libido or tension of energy. With today being Easter and the completion of Lent I can look back and say I felt surprisingly good about it. Of course there often was that tension and sometimes that tension expressed itself as irritable or cold to others but really tension and frustration comes with the situation or whatever it was holding me back. in this point of my life I realize that it’s okay for me to be upset with my situation but I don’t need to be allowing it to have control over me. and I don’t need to be doing things that will separate me from others. 
another thing I did find out what is that when someone like an asshole or mean or bitchy people might say wow that person needs to get laid I completely understand why some people say that sometimes but I don’t believe that to be the best solution. Sometimes I believe sexual promiscuity can lead to a self destruction of one’s own body and also someone’s mental state so I don’t always. I believe that it’s right to love others but only in ways that doesn’t hurt them or yourself
 I found out that giving into my sexual urges by watching homosexual porn leads to my shaming of being gay. although I’ve came out to my family and friends and said that I was gay I never outwardly express that sexual orientation. Sure I’ve been led into hetero and homosexual situations but none of them involves my own self expression of love and with that sex. i’ve developed a kind of insidious self defeating homophobia. I feel that it is wrong to be gay in my heart but in my head I know that it is wrong to judge others. I know I am okay with gay people but is that something I want for myself. I don’t believe it is. So where do I connect my head to my heart. 

I was withdrawing and expressing my sexual urges on pornography instead of sharing that with someone else. This continue to occur for about the rest of my sexual adult life. I find security that comes with keeping only within oneself and not allowing myself to become vulnerable. I have learned that over the years this has caused me to have little to no growth in terms of sexual relationships. If I wish to have a significant other then I will have to make the changes I need to and do them today. I have to stop allowing myself to become victim of my own actions. I need to remove myself from the motions of insanity that may form an addiction. I need to find peace that comes along with restraint, and character and hope and strength and progress. I have to push myself use my intelligence to what I know what help me succeed. I’ve decided to push myself outside of my comfort zone and I understand that is okay for me for now if it is to let me grow. If I am to achieve my goal I know that I will have to force myself through hell to get there. Like all good things worth having you have to work the hardest for them to have them. I know that is possible for me to have a monogamous heterosexual relationship with a woman but I have to stop feeding my own demons. I need to stop feeding myself to defeat. 
Watching porn usually coincides with masturbation. I believe that how comfortable you are in your skin contributes to how pleasurable or satisfying masturbation can be. For a while masturbation was getting me by but I finally reached a point where I felt empty and guilty inside. The pleasure was less and less. I was never completely comfortable with my own self image so I felt that physically my body was inadequate. Which I understand is okay because most people aren’t but it’s not okay if you feel that it’s not good enough to share with others. For too long I’ve had this problem and decided I needed to change. I’ve been wallowing in self-pity for too long and I’m getting older meaning that I would like to eventually be with someone else. 
  that I have of homosexuality meant that displacing myself and separating myself from porn and leading a wife that was four of physical and real person sexual exploration was being painted because the potential is taking away when I gave my sexual energies towards watching for Nurphy watching pornography

How is this distraction a short-term reward in a situation where I did nothing to receive it?How is this distraction serving as just a short-term reward from a situation where I did nothing to help it?